Welcome ♥

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
...So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Reason ♥

I needed a technique to get my opinions out, my feelings, and I did not want to inscribe it onto a piece of paper, for papers get misplaced, discolored and frayed… Whoever you are interpreting this, at times I may touch on topics which may not appeal to you, they may be controversial, notorious and infamous.  You may disagree with me, but please keep in mind that this blog exists exclusively because I need a way of extracting the thoughts which seldom have the chance to stream out and get some fresh air. So here is my medium; my blog. A place where even you the reader can share your own thoughts in regards to what I write, you may even notify me of what you would like to read more of or less of and I shall take those suggestions into consideration.

Primarily I was quite apprehensive about molding my thoughts into words and allowing it so that everyone could access a part of me that is…. Quite concealed in nature. I do not usually permit people to come strolling through my life, as I am not an effortless book to read- I may be a peculiar one, but I am not a simple one at all. I can’t figure out what changed my mind, what destroyed that barricade that kept the fort standing, protecting everything that was precious and fragile inside, but ultimately it has fallen, just as every fort, every blockade, and every obstacle falls, and withers away into nothing but an elapsed recollection of what once was. I hope that other people do the same, overlook their fears and allow people into their lives. This being said I also have to say that I do not, by any means trust people effortlessly, it is so incessantly difficult for me to rely on people, to trust them, and that is due to a multitude of factors. One of them being that my heart was shattered by the one person that I trusted with my life, and another being that it has literally been drilled into my brain that I should not, by any means, trust people. But even though I have distinctively trained myself to be inert, static and lifeless to my own emotions, block them out in every way possible so that I would not be able to feel pain, I still need a way to remain sane. The main reason that I am able to retain my sanity, and judgment  is purely due to the fact that I do have incredible friends, and I owe everything to them; everything. I never understood the meaning of friendship until I was in misery and distress; - they all rushed to my side with nothing but wholehearted intentions for my well being. It was then that I knew that friendship is how we survive, companionship is how we move on, and solidarity is how we enjoy, and thrive in life.

So this is me telling you to break down those walls. Demolish them, and compel them to collapse and burn. Open up your heart to the people around you, the people who actually mean something, and even if you feel that you aren’t ready to share your deepest, darkest most intimate demons with them, find some other way to let those feelings out. For pent up emotions and desires can lead to dire conditions, you may be faced with a situation where you are trapped, where you feel as if you will detonate at any second; purge out your feelings to the wrong person and blame them for all of the dreadful things that have happened to you – which of course is flawed and wrong. Personally I try not to keep them pent up for too long as I have a propensity to do exactly that, - have an exceptionally short temper-  and I never appreciated the people that were on the other side of my incessant, livid, rage. But now I know better. I know to keep the individuals close to my heart closer than ever because they are the ones who matter, they are the people who are there for me when I need them the most, and you have that same privilege – do not lose, or forget it.


Friday, July 23, 2010

Fireflies ☮

Life is seamless, dispersed yet a constant pain in the ass and we are simply pawns in the hands of the vast cosmos. We live our lives unaccompanied, yet together. We struggle through out heartbreaks, our battles, and our solitude. We go through the years wishing, hoping and dreaming, while some of our dreams come true and others crash and turn to flames. Sometimes we wish the isolation would disappear, allow us some tranquility, some peace of mind; allow us the privilege of being free; feeling free. We attempt to ease the pain through love, a love we yearn for and beg for. Through our deepest, most intimate desires we scream for someone out there to hear us. Listen to our pleas and understand us; love us. At times, our desperate cries for attention are heard, we find the perfect person; the perfect love. We live a long peaceful life, filled with prosperity and splendor. We live with our children and grandchildren oblivious to the rest of the world around us, only conscious of our own contentment; our own untainted bliss. Other times however, we are made to struggle, to battle with our demons, whether internal or external. At times we live in scarcity and poverty, stricken with hunger, so accustomed to the stench of death and decay, and from the day we are born, we are obligated to grow up and mature, grow up and be responsible for our lives and the lives of our siblings if we were born with any. We may lay our heads on filthy, soiled rags at night and gaze up to the sky; to the stars and inquire the heavens, “what have I done to deserve such injustice?” we may even go so far as to think that perhaps, in another incarnation we were a malevolent executioner, an abuser of souls or a rapist bent on taking the lives of the innocent. Perhaps we do deserve it, but why can’t we remember what it was that we have done? Why is it that we have to pay for other people's mistakes, faults and transgressions?

No matter how we choose to live, or are forced to live, ultimately we do end up living. We may not enjoy this wretched life of misery, and melancholy, but we arise in the morning, breathing and screaming – on the inside of course. We wake up thinking perhaps today will be better, perhaps today a spark will cause a chain reaction, which in turn will cause another, greater chain reaction all directly allied with the universe; a universe which will possibly take pity on us; pity on our souls, souls with whom we are born with and fall to our deathbeds with. Perhaps this immense universe will allow us one, singular day of uncontaminated ecstasy and liberation, reprieve from the wonders and terrors of our mother Earth.


The home in which we are all born. We all live, breathe, smell, touch, see, hear and taste her. Our mother Earth with whom we are all joined in solidarity, a camaraderie that thrives when or if the time comes for us to preserve her; defend her. However, this being said she is in momentous danger for even though she is what we call home, even though we find our loved ones from within her, we are dragged through our lives kicking and screaming, then die within her and are placed back into the ground which comes from her, the soil that will smolder our decaying bodies, away from the outside world forever. Even though she protects us from the dangers of the Ozone, the perils of emissions that could vacuum the life out of us forever, we continue to wound her. We continue to cause so much pain and anguish that she is begging us to stop, all the signs are there, and by hurting her we are ultimately hurting ourselves as we are hurting the home from which we come from. And although at times Mother Nature can be cruel, unforgiving and ferocious, we cannot give up on her, we cannot surrender her. For if she ceases to exist, if our world, our Earth dies, where are we to exist? Where are we to thrive? To find our loves, or heartbreaks or fight our battles or struggle for the privilege in which we were granted that is called life. No other planet will grant us this unconditional endowment, so why destroy the one that does? Just as we continue to annihilate our own lives, inert and merciless in our rampage.

Perhaps one day our pleas will be heard, perhaps the universe will take pity on us and grant us the wishes that we keep demanding. However, if this miracle ever happens, where would you make use of this phenomenon? What will you do if you do not have a home to go to? What if your home has been destroyed by you, none other than your own kind, your own egocentricity and there is nothing left; nothing but the guilt of not taking a stand, sparking a change while you still could. While there is still some time left to salvage our homes; our hearts, our lives.

Will you choose to take a stand and fight for your home? - For your life? Or will you sanction for it to be torn into a million pieces, while you are left forlorn, destitute, and lifeless.

Where will you appease your solitude then?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Can We Pretend That Airplanes In The Night Sky Are Like Shooting Stars

Please stop demanding control over my life.

You were never there when I needed you the most; you left me rotting, crumbling and putrefying on the ground. Yet you have returned, after years of absence, declaring your privileges, demanding respect, and love, and trust; when you yourself never gave any. I despise you. I loathe the way you speak, the way you reek and the way you exist. I can only hold back my feelings so much longer, although they are bound to come tearing out sometime. I wish you could acknowledge and accept people for who they are. I wish you would stop being so vain and futile. I wish you would leave me alone, to make my own decisions. I believe I’ve earned the right to make my own mistakes, my own transgressions- is that not how we learn? Isn’t that how we move on in life? – Through experiences and understanding? I guess you wouldn’t know anything about allowing people their rights, or understanding; for all you ever cared about were your own feelings, your own beauty, your own life; never giving a damn about others. I’m sorry life has been so hard on you - although honestly people have experienced much worse- but you truthfully cannot keep living believing that you are God’s gift to the world, while the rest of us are parasites, born to serve you.

I used to be exceptionally naïve, inexperienced and immature; believing that you would change over time, alas how wrong I was. You have only nurtured your self-destructive nature. Your hatred of mankind has grown. You may have aged, and time may have taken a toll on your skin, but your vanity has surprisingly developed and increased with every wrinkle that your childlike face attributes. You have gained supremacy through other people’s weaknesses, you thrive and prosper when you see the less fortunate suffer, you believe that things are destined to be this way, and all is well in your wretched, pitiable, microcosmic universe. But I truly wish you could see what you have done to the people who have always loved you unconditionally; who accepted you despite all of your faults. I used to miss you, in my darkest hours, I would wish to God that you were there to hold me, listen to me, and understand me- alas God never answered my feeble pleas. Instead I was thrown amidst the wolves while you watched them tear my flesh into microscopic pieces of nonentity. Until I was nothing but a shadow of my past self; dismal and bleak, a frail silhouette; that wanted to stop existing for the pain was too strong to tolerate. I was left unaided, devastated and shattered to put back the pieces of your own mistakes; your own egocentricity. And now, now you want me to be a part of your life; you want me to understand you, appreciate you for all you have done. You want me to believe you when you tell me that all is for the best. You want me to love you.

Unfortunately for you, my love for people, my trust, has dwindled over time. Love is not what it used to be and trust never was. My heart has been broken and crushed in an unimaginable way and I shall never be the same person again, but do not fret, or agonize your egotistical diminutive black heart; for this is one mistake that is not your burden at all. I am sorry that I am your largest blunder but it is not like I could help it- believe me if I could turn back time I would have made sure none of this ever had a tendency to happen. I would have made sure lives were never lost, children were not left ravenous, racism never flourished, hearts were never broken, and equality thrived throughout the ages.

No need for self pitying for whether we like it or not we are obliged to live in this world, and reside with our fellow inhabitants, sharing this globe with each other- no matter how much we are required to struggle to survive. I truly wish that you would open up your insatiably voracious eyes to the world around you, and see how things have changed; accept them.  I wish you would stop your insanity and become a regular person. I wish you would stop telling me what to do, because frankly I don’t even know who you are- nor do I care. I wish that you will choose to change sometime because truthfully I wish you would stop being you.

Little Star ♥

Hey there bloggers =)

Another random update blog for you here! SO, yesterday I received my British visa, which means that I am officially done with applying and receiving and stressing over visas! Right now I’m in Bahrain, seeing family and basically just relaxing with friends. Tomorrow, the games begin. I literally cannot wait to go out there and have some legitimate fun, being in Qatar over the summer causes loneliness and loss of sanity- I’m honestly surprised that I have any remnants of sanity left over after this summer.

Anyway, there is a genuine motive for my blog today; a friend of mine asked me if I could turn into any mythical creature, excluding a vampire- he knows me too well- what would I choose? Well I chose to turn into a mermaid. The reason I chose this is because mermaids are able to meander and roam the world through the seas, live underwater and be part of something magical and fantastical. Of course there is the whole fact about mermaids being beautiful serene creatures, who have attributes of sirens. Although this may seem somewhat egocentric and self-centered, I still believe that we all have a child hidden inside us that wants to come out and play, and I guess mini-me misses swimming or something, which is why I’m actually mentioning this on here.

So my faithful followers, I shall end this totally pointless post by asking you a couple of questions, and feel free to email me with your answers or simply post an answer on the blog. Here we go:

If you could turn into any mythical creature what would it be?

What topics would you like to have me write?

And finally:

What is your own personal philosophy on life?

If you have your own questions that you would like answered, feel free to email me or post it on here. Also, I will either reply to you through an email, or post an answer on the blog itself.

Much love ♥

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I'm a Fake♀ ♂

.Small, simple, safe price.
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets.
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals.
And I am not afraid to die;
I'm not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight,
I want the pain of payment.
What's left, but a section of pygmy sized cuts.
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks.
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid.
To fill and spill over and under my thoughts.
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter.
I'm cutting trying to picture your black, broken heart.
Love is not like anything,
Especially a fucking knife!

Look at me.
You can tell,
By the way I move and do my hair,
Do you think that it's me?
Or it's not me?
I don't even care.
I'm alive, i don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.

I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

Do I drink?
Do I date?
I've got perfect placements.
all my ink
Satisfied, in your eyes.
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now.
I made sure that I look how I wanted to look.
The people around me,
The people surround me.

I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

Just look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

My stomach hurts now,
And all tied off in lace.
I pray, beg for anything to hit me in the face.
And this sickness isn't me.
And I pray to fall from grace.
The last thing I see is feeling.

And I'm telling you I'm a fake,
I'm telling you I'm a fake.
I'm telling you I'm a fake.
I'm telling you I'm a fake.
I'm telling you I'm...

Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me, look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

Just look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake.
Just look at me now.
I'm a fake, I'm a fake.

Genuine fake!!!

I genuinely like this song a lot. Simply because no matter how much you would like to deny it, everyone can relate to it on some level. Whether you have experienced a sense of loss, or if you used to cut or you’re a manic depressive or really had anything that happened at some point in your life that affected you in a negative way, this is a song you can probably relate to. However I’d like to clarify that people can interpret this song in any way they would like to, without any regard to what I think, but here's a link to I'm a Fake - if you would like to listen to it.

So here’s a brief history about the band and Bert McCracken. Bert is the lead singer and songwriter of The Used, was born in Provo, but raised in Orem, Utah. He was brought up in a straight edged Mormon society, and was even involved in editing a magazine called “Drugs Suck”. However, along with many teenagers, adolescence hit him and his parents hard, and they conflicted in a myriad of aspects; including their chosen religion- Mormonism. Bert decided to rebel by going to other churches, and experimenting with drugs, until he was kicked out of his home at the age of sixteen. From then on until the age of nineteen, he struggled with homelessness and drug abuse. However, his big break happened when he auditioned to join a band – then called Dumb Luck- the band members were astonished by his talents and welcomed him immediately, this was also when they decided to rename themselves “The Used”.

In Berts thoughts, this song was about his own alcohol addiction, his own struggle. He has been battling with his dependence for years, and consistently mentioning them indirectly in his lyrics. However, as I said previously, people can determine the meaning of any song in whichever way they would like; it’s really up to you how you let the song speak to you. I guess that’s what makes them so amazing, they don’t even need an insane solo to make their songs sound completely bad ass! - But I’m a bit biased on this aspect, I love The Used. You may hate this song, despise it even, for being too out there, too emotional perhaps, and that’s fine, for we do live in a world where we can agree to disagree –at least I hope we do!

Anyway, this song speaks to me because I believe that everyone feels a little lonely, lost, broken, and fake at times- I know I have. Have you ever felt that your whole world is spiraling downwards, crashing, exploding, and your thoughts; your feelings are clashing and conflicting with everyone else’s? Have you ever felt so alone that sometimes, you start to think that maybe you deserve to be alone, maybe you did something so wrong that you’re deserving of this pain, of this agony that you’re living in. Sometimes, we allow ourselves to drift off into an alternate universe - if I may call it that- in this universe; we are happy, thriving and full of joy. We are able to achieve this effect through a plethora of mediums, whether it is through song, dance, art, literature, sports – either way you create your own world in your mind, and you are always the moderator of your own thoughts. The thing about being able to think, is that our thoughts are private, we live in our own little microcosmic world which shape shifts into a glorious galaxy while we sleep, or even when we let our imaginations take hold while we are conscious. In our galaxies, we are able to make anything possible, we don’t have to pretend anymore, we are as real as we can be, and nothing is impossible. I guess what I am trying to say is that when life gets hard all we can do is try to deal with it, and escape it in our own ways. Sometimes putting on a face, playing pretend and being fake is the only way of dealing; even if we hate ourselves afterwards.

This song speaks to me. Does it speak to you?

♡ ♡

Your Love is My Drug ♥

Hey there bloggers and creepers =)

My apologies as I’ve been away a while, I’ve just been really busy with getting things together for my move. So here’s a little update on my life! In case you haven’t been paying attention, or it just slipped your mind; I’m moving to British Columbia, Canada in a couple of weeks in order to begin my undergraduate degree in Political Science! =) AND I have some excellent news! I finally got my passport returned to me in the mail, WITH the Canadian visa! Yaaay! (Applause) Anyway today I went and applied for a British visa as well, but that only takes a day to complete so it’s no biggie at all. Although I did spend around three hours and a half waiting for my turn to come… We weren’t allowed to use our phones… And it was boiling and humid…. Which basically means the death of me. I guess it was worth it in the end though, since I’ll be officially done with visa related paperwork by tomorrow! (Second applause!) This being said, I’m also receiving a scholarship from the government here, and we have pretty much finished all the paperwork, but they haven’t called me in yet to sign the contract, and that needs to happen ASAP as I’m planning to go to Bahrain at the end of this week! (Fingers crossed!)

Anyway this isn’t one of my legitimate blog posts as you can see, it’s just an update. BUT don’t freak out on me, I’m working on something else for your minds to feast on right now! =)

Bisous ♥

Monday, July 12, 2010

Sticks and Stones ☮

Does it not revolt you how ignorant, egotistical, feeble people try to take their rage and resentment out on you? Even if you’ve done nothing erroneous, you haven’t even said a word to provoke the said fury; you are merely in the wrong place at the wrong time. Occasionally that’s not even the case, sometimes, you are having a guiltless conversation and this ignorant individual seems to discard every single utterance that comes out of your mouth. Not that there is anything immoral or incorrect with what you’re saying, it is just that they are not capable of or willing to comprehend the significance and importance of what you are trying to convey to them. Even if what you are trying to communicate, is purely that generalizations of a community/gender/ethnicity/culture/race/age into a category without knowing or recognizing all of the facts beforehand is incorrect and decadent!

I honestly do not think that there is anything ethically wrong in trying to prevent these generalizations as I believe everyone deserves an equal opportunity of being innocent until proven guilty. You simply cannot oversimplify an age old nation of people with disregard to their history, their culture, and their beliefs without having known them in advance! And even then, you still cannot generalize or stereotype and utter the word “all” because you have not met every distinct individual in that nation. You haven’t gotten to know them. You don’t even know their names. The few things that you are basing your allegations on are simple, infinitesimal, and dispersed data that are established upon separate incidents, and because you now have this said “understanding”, you guiltlessly categorize an entire country, into a certain typecast.

Now forgive me, as I am liable to disagree with this concept, and will continue to oppose this notion. Forgive me if I will not aspire to become like you, akin to the same things you do, be the same way you are, and essentially be you. Because I am my own person, I have my own opinions, dreams, aspirations and ambitions, - we all do- and I refuse to permit anyone to stand in my way. I suppose numerous people could, and will ask me; “why do you care so much? You are quarreling and shielding a populace you do not even know.” Well, that may be true, but I am not ashamed to give a voice to those who do not have one. I am not ashamed to defend the accused, when all the prosecutors have to defend their judgments, are simple illogical and invalid arguments that in essence are entirely and ultimately nonsensical. And to the person who raised this query, I will solicit them another inquiry in return; why do you not care? Do you not see that we as people of the world, have become so stone cold and inert that we are able to sit on our couches sipping cappuccinos’ while watching people die, have their lives ripped apart, be faced with absolute and sheer desolation, and annihilation, only for us to be sympathetically affected for a nanosecond before turning to the next channel in order to be mesmerized and brainwashed while viewing something more “entertaining”- how is that even normal?

I care because I refuse to continue living in a world where hate is the norm. I care because I want my children, and my children’s children, and their children’s children, along with their families, friends and cousins and distant cousins, and disrant relatives to live in a world where hate is not the norm. Where individuals will not tolerate being, or permit themselves to be indifferent bystanders to unremitting transgressions. I do not understand how people are able to accept and exist with hate, and then completely reject peace, discard even the idea of it, calling you foolish and crazy to even consider it. Maybe I am crazy, I mean people have been struggling for peace for lifetimes, and I know nothing will happen to revolutionize anything in mine, but I refuse to be a spectator, yes I will fight, yes I will argue but I will not, I cannot relinquish my aspirations.

I for one will not give up. I will not sell out. I will keep trying even if my goals seem unfeasible and unattainable to accomplish, because I am not in a state where I am able to or willing to give up. Do these words trouble you enough to at least strive to put a stop to a world of corruption, devastation and demise? Are you willing to stand up for what you believe in?

Or are you prepared to exist and be acquaintances with hatred evermore?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Clear Hearts & Grey Flowers ♥

There’s something about the deliberate emphasis of positive expression, the distinction an artist puts on a fantastical reality, within our reality that attracts me to their art. It’s beautiful, magnificent, unrealistic, innovative, even grotesque and bizarre. So before I go into why I am being exceedingly drawn into the world of Mark Ryden, here’s a brief account on the advent of surrealism. It began in the twentieth century as a literary and artistic movement, and flourished predominantly in Europe. The interest in surrealism grew out of the preceding Dada movement – art that focused on the idea of anti-war politics- and the rationale for its amplification, was not only the rise of World Wars I and II, but also the succinct fact that people began to see the flaws attributed to the destruction that came with the “rationalism” that was the main supporter of European customs and policies. André Breton, publisher of “The Surrealist Manifesto” and who is now recognized as the founder of Surrealism tried to generate the idea that Surrealism was to be used as a means of reuniting conscious and unconscious realms of experience, in a world where dreams and fantasies collaborated and are brought forth to be viewed and critiqued in our “rational” world. According to Breton, in order to classify this type of work as “genius” you need to access a generally unexploited realm, search deep within your soul and combine your feelings, your intimate fantasies, and dreams and this advice is to be adhered by poets and artists alike. Fortunately for art lovers like myself, this movement continues to prosper in all corners of this globe producing some of the best art ever to be seen.

As for Mark Ryden, he came to dominate the surrealistic world in the 1990’s, a time where artists and critics alike were eagerly awaiting the return of the art of painting. Although Ryden’s work can be classified as surrealistic, he seems to surpass the initial Surrealistic techniques by choosing subject matters that are quite diverse from the previous ones painted by artists such as Salvador Dali – another favorite of mine- Ryden is permeated with ambiguity and would rather attribute the drastic boundaries of his imagery to the intricate and convoluted composition of those leaps of imagination that lie outside the limits of intentionality. Ryden fills his paintings with cultural connotation, in which the viewer feels reassured by the exquisiteness and beauty of the painting only to be transported into the intended world where oddity and idiosyncrasy thrive within the culturally familiar. Dewy eyed vixens, alchemical symbols, cuddly plush pets, slabs of meat, religious emblems and primordial landscapes challenge the audience and allow the viewer to enter a world where childlike creatures filled with a sense of innocence and honesty live together in a world created by Ryden’s fingertips.

Amazingly, paintings are not Ryden’s only works; he has created a myriad of statues, ornaments, books, skeletons, and toys as well. The humorous yet intriguing thing about Ryden’s work is that if it is menacing, it is still immersed in an inexorable ray of reassurance. If it is morbid, it still manages to emanate life and verve. If it is tainted and cruel, it is so with such a pure innocence that we must attribute that idea to our own sullied minds. You don’t have to like his art to know that Mark Ryden does have talent, a talent so miscellaneous, extraordinary and unique that he allows us to delve into his personal idea of reality, and although his paintings are obscure and very surreal in nature, we all manage to find a way to connect with his passion.

So here’s my question to you; would you rather merge in with the norm and prolong the traditional theme of exclusively believing and following what seems to be “rational”, or would you select the other path, be exceptional and innovative, and even start your own movement? Oh, if you are looking to see more of Mark Ryden follow this link, and enjoy the video.  :)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Dover Beach ♥

"The sea is calm to-night.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand;
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!

Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves drawback, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.

Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the Agaean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.

The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth's shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.”
- Dover Beach by Mathew Arnold

I love this poem. I love it so much that it is always there when you open up this website.

I love it ♥

Sometimes I wonder why I like it so much. It’s certainly not the best of poems, not the most famous or infamous, or even notorious. However I find it beautiful, stimulating, desolate somehow. Although this dramatic monologue/ elegy is written in free verse, there is a sense of cadence to it, a rhythmic flow of melancholic ideas dispersed upon the page that Arnold engraved his thoughts on. The fundamental significance of the poem is essentially that; challenges to the validity of long-standing theological and moral precepts have shaken the faith of people in God as well as religion. Bearing in mind that Arnold lived around the mid-1800’s, this little detail makes this precise poem all the more intriguing. The pillar of faith that was predestined to support society for centuries, was ultimately crumbling. The credence and weight of science and evolution impacted belief systems throughout the world. I mean, once believing that we were all put on this globe as a consequence of the sins of Adam and Eve, then having that whole perception shattered and molded into a new perspective of Darwin’s evolutionary theory. I'm sure that made someone roll around in their grave for a while, if not at least turned some heads.

My speculation is that even the most divine and pious of people would at least have their concealed intimate thoughts shaken. Consequently the very idea of religion and the existence of a God was very much in doubt… Therefore the dying of the beam of faith is symbolized in this elegy as the persona – Arnold himself- sees the once gleaming, now dimming light, on the coasts of France. Ultimately, Arnold sustained his confidence and devotion to God and religion, exclusively his elected path of Christianity… Although I cannot pronounce the same conclusiveness for others as secularism took hold and brought forth our world as we know it today.

So enlighten me, what is it that you believe? Would you disregard everything that has been enforced and drilled into you since the day that you were put on this earth? – Since the day you started existing? Or would you sever the ties that formed with time from age old traditions of prophets, myths, legends and folklore and embrace the innovative dawn of science and technology.

Tell me, do you believe?


Friday, July 9, 2010

Mad Ramblings ♥

I realize I don’t always end up writing here consecutively throughout the days, but I shall try my best. This is the second time I’m writing here today, although, technically it’s not really “today” anymore since it is past 12:00 midnight…And really I’m only writing because I’m extremely bored. There’s no specific topic to this post just plain ramblings.

I hope I don’t bore you too much…

For the past few months or so I’ve been going jogging at the public park close to where I live. A couple of weeks ago I saw a small black fur ball rolling, or should I say frolicking around in the grass, so I stopped to see what it was. The ebony kitten with almost translucent gold and emerald eyes was utterly and entirely adorable. There was no sign of a mama cat but I assumed that she was looking for some rations for her family. So I continued my regular exercise and didn’t think of the little feline again. That is, until I started seeing the kitten approximately every day in different sections of the park. Still with no mother.

That night I inquired my own mother if there was a chance that we could possibly keep her. Her reply was that if I could catch her, and if she didn’t look disease ridden, then maybe, MAYBE, we could keep her.

I continued my habitual routine of jogging at night, until I saw her again. I had stopped for a rest and sat down at a bench to catch my breath, I didn’t even notice her sitting there coiled up on the other side. I went to stroke her and she purred, I sat there with her for a while but it was getting late, so I attempted to pick her up but she leapt off of the bench and ran away... I kept seeing her regularly for three uninterrupted weeks after that night. Until she finally let me pick her up.

She is now a part of the family, and her name is Ophelia. She is beautiful and very well cared for as well as loved. It’s a sad story though. I have to leave her soon… I know my family will take care of her but I will miss her terribly… I suppose I can see her when I come back, but that won’t be for months. I hope I like British Columbia, Canada, and for what it’s worth I am tremendously eager.

Oh, on another note there are no updates on the visa status yet… I’m still waiting. I am truly anticipating a response from them soon; I’m getting gravely impatient and irritated… Another thing I’m getting frustrated about is the fact that so many tests have to be taken for college! So much blood has been drawn from my veins in the past two weeks it’s insane! I won’t go into that right now… However you will, in all probability, be reading a rant about the inept and inefficient hospital systems here at some point.

Much love

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Let's Be Young Forever ♥

I went to watch Eclipse yesterday; needless to say it was ..Alright.

It’s always nice to imagine that someone could love you forever, risk their entire existence for you, protect you, and be there for you when you need them the most. Too bad it was just a movie, and the trance that takes over while a movie is playing ruptures and you’re forced back to reality. A reality that’s not so perfect. Not so fantastical and flawless; where the supernatural and fantasy do not coalesce to make miracles. Maybe that’s why I’m so mesmerized by vampires.  

Ah vampires…  

People have been engrossed and lured by their seductive nature for centuries, and whether your idea of a vampire is the Babylonian Ekimmu, who feeds off of the souls of the living, or Bram Stoker’s bloodthirsty Dracula, or Anne Rice’s dazzlingly alluring Lestat, or even Stephanie Meyer’s sparkling, “vegetarian” Edward. You can’t reject their unvarying appeal. The undead have a propensity to generate a spark of interest wherever they may emerge. Maybe it’s the details of immortality, maybe it’s the enhanced physical beauty that they have come to be renowned for (although this wasn’t always true), or perhaps it’s the seductive temperament of how they feed on their victims. Everything about them has come to be delectably seductive.  They have come from being sadistic, vicious creatures of darkness, to romantic, brooding, passionate, lost souls in search of more in their lives. In search of, dare I say it; love

I presume everyone is familiar to that sentiment, if not most people.

I’ve always been entirely captivated and enthralled by vampires.  Their powers, their disposition, their appeal. This fascination only grew with time, and with the advent of many television shows, (True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, Moonlight, etc) novels and simply an infinite hype surrounding it that has amplified over the years. People want to see more vampires, read about them, and hear of them. Even become one of them. 

So let’s say everything that the media has come to portray is true, let’s say vampires exist. Would you wish to give your life away, damn your soul, and become one of the undead? Interminable and young forever? Or preserve your human life.

Would you die for immortality? 

xoxo ♥

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Screw Prince Charming.

Don’t fall in love. Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it. Don’t listen to it.

Don’t fall in love.

Why, you ask. Because all it will do is make you love sick. Love sick over a person who in the end will leave you high and dry, then forget you. You give yourself; heart, body and soul, to this one person. A person you put your trust in, you confide in, you believe in. A person who you would sacrifice everything for… And for what reason?

For nothing.

Falling in love almost always ends badly. You’re left broken, in your microscopic vestiges… Left to glue yourself back together with only fragments of your wrecked soul, and the minuscule remnants of your self-esteem… After that, no matter how hard you try to trust… You can’t. People tell you to move on but all you can think of are the “good” times. You never realize that the person you were “in love” with was a complete first degree asshole who never really gave a shit about you in the first place.

Disney gives little girls a "perfect" perception of love; filled with dreams and fantasies and a Prince Charming who will come and save the damsel in distress, sweep her off her feet, place her on his beautiful white horse and take her to his kingdom to live happily ever after.

Bull. Shit.

There is no Prince Charming. There is no white horse. There is no kingdom, and most of all; there is NO happily ever after.

They’re all really just chauvinistic assholes who don’t care about anyone but themselves and their genitals. They lie, cheat, and break your heart to pieces until your left shattered and alone; alone with only ambiguous memories, and disoriented thoughts. Until that grief, that pain; turns to rage. A rage so fierce that your own perception of love, whether it came from Walt Disney or not, is skewed. It’s hard to put your trust in people in general, but when you put yourself out there, entrust your heart to someone, and believe them when they say they will never hurt you, that they love you, and then they abuse your trust, abuse your love, and wound you; a wound so deep that no prescription of anesthesia, whether local or general, will ease the pain. Leaving you feeling completely and utterly betrayed. What do you do then? How are you supposed to move on? How are you supposed to love again?

I used to believe in love…

I will not allow myself to be so naïve again.

Screw you Prince Charming.


Tuesday, June 29, 2010

You Can't Sit With Us☮♥

Today I went to a really squalid looking clinic to get my medical forms sorted for my visa. I don’t understand why the embassy had to choose that specific clinic for people to go to. It was really revolting.

One thing I noticed, which irritated me, was the fact that even in that shitty little clinic, discrimination was noticeable. You had to be blind not to be aware of it… I walked in, NOT wearing the traditional Abaya and Sheila that the natives of this country are intended to wear- just FYI I seldom ever wear it as I don’t believe in it- then again that’s just my outlook on the case. Anyway, I walked in and the nurse at the reception treated me like everyone else, until she found out my nationality. That was when she advised me to wait my turn, in an explicit room. The thing is, she was really sketchy about it so I just asked her why I couldn’t wait in the other room, in which a few seconds beforehand, I saw an Indian lady walk in to. She mumbled something unintelligible and told me I could wait wherever I wanted to. That it was my choice. So I chose to follow the Indian woman into the same room the nurse had disjointedly told me not to sit in. To my surprise I found that the clinic was separating the patients on the basis of nationality. The minority of the country were placed in a room with old paint peeling off of the walls, and orange, plastic, garden chairs. While the other room contained; bulky, indigo, leather seats which were placed around a brightly lit, air conditioned waiting area.

I do not understand the need to discriminate against people, and then segregate them! We are all born equal… Or so they say… I wish to live in a world were favoritism and prejudice of any kind, did not exist. Where people are treated equally and seen and appreciated for who they are and not judged and condemned simply because of their race, gender, sexual orientation… Or even age. This being said, I’m not that naïve. I know that we live in a sickening, irrevocable, sadistic and corrupted world; a place where hatred is the norm, where blackmail is the only way to achieve things. Why do we choose to live like this? Why is it that people always seem to jump to war? - The alleged immediate conclusion to any problem. Why do we fight, and hate, and try to annihilate other people…

There is always another way. You just have to maintain your search for it.

Safe to say, I decided to wait in the room with the peeling walls.

♥ xoxo

Monday, June 28, 2010

This is Madness

So today my mom woke me up at 8:30 AM. Way too early for me to even be considering leaving my bed since it IS summer. BUT my medical form application papers arrived in the mail today! YES!! This means that I can FINALLY go and get my medical examination and send it to the embassy in Abu Dhabi. In case you're utterly confused, I'm going to university in the fall in Canada, and I've been trying to get all of my papers sorted for the past couple of months. However, I'm supposed to refer to the embassy in Abu Dhabi in order to obtain my study permit and so on... Anyway, they're taking way too long to process everything and my summer is already half way over! :( That's why receiving the forms in the mail has got me so excited.

Yea, that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

On another note, I really miss my friends... Almost everyone's left Qatar for summer and it's really killing me. There is NOTHING to do here... I live in the desert, and at the moment it's too hot to tan. THAT'S how hot it is. I can honestly say that I cannot wait until August. Leaving the desert and experiencing new things that I would never even imagine doing here.


mmm... okay ♥

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Hello World ♥

I'm new at this. I've never had a blog before. The last time I wrote down my feelings was a couple of years ago, and that didn't exactly bode well for me. So I guess this is hello.

I should probably start by telling you a little about myself. Well, I'm eighteen, I've just graduated from high school, and I'm from Qatar. If you don't know where that is.. Let's just say it's in the Middle East, and near Dubai. :)

I love the Arts.

Dancing and sketching are some of the things that take me away from all of the realities that consistently plague every single endless day of my life. Photography also provides a remedy to my eternal boredom, as does literature and learning new languages.Oh, and i ♥ Fashion.

I'm passionate about certain aspects of politics; most are feminist in nature, although human rights in general are what get me going; especially when there's injustice surrounding me. I made this blog out of (you guessed it!) Pure boredom. But I guess it's also because I wanted an outlet that didn't involve a punching bag.

So anyway, what was it that I was saying before..

Ah yes...

Hello ♥