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Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
...So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Can We Pretend That Airplanes In The Night Sky Are Like Shooting Stars

Please stop demanding control over my life.

You were never there when I needed you the most; you left me rotting, crumbling and putrefying on the ground. Yet you have returned, after years of absence, declaring your privileges, demanding respect, and love, and trust; when you yourself never gave any. I despise you. I loathe the way you speak, the way you reek and the way you exist. I can only hold back my feelings so much longer, although they are bound to come tearing out sometime. I wish you could acknowledge and accept people for who they are. I wish you would stop being so vain and futile. I wish you would leave me alone, to make my own decisions. I believe I’ve earned the right to make my own mistakes, my own transgressions- is that not how we learn? Isn’t that how we move on in life? – Through experiences and understanding? I guess you wouldn’t know anything about allowing people their rights, or understanding; for all you ever cared about were your own feelings, your own beauty, your own life; never giving a damn about others. I’m sorry life has been so hard on you - although honestly people have experienced much worse- but you truthfully cannot keep living believing that you are God’s gift to the world, while the rest of us are parasites, born to serve you.

I used to be exceptionally naïve, inexperienced and immature; believing that you would change over time, alas how wrong I was. You have only nurtured your self-destructive nature. Your hatred of mankind has grown. You may have aged, and time may have taken a toll on your skin, but your vanity has surprisingly developed and increased with every wrinkle that your childlike face attributes. You have gained supremacy through other people’s weaknesses, you thrive and prosper when you see the less fortunate suffer, you believe that things are destined to be this way, and all is well in your wretched, pitiable, microcosmic universe. But I truly wish you could see what you have done to the people who have always loved you unconditionally; who accepted you despite all of your faults. I used to miss you, in my darkest hours, I would wish to God that you were there to hold me, listen to me, and understand me- alas God never answered my feeble pleas. Instead I was thrown amidst the wolves while you watched them tear my flesh into microscopic pieces of nonentity. Until I was nothing but a shadow of my past self; dismal and bleak, a frail silhouette; that wanted to stop existing for the pain was too strong to tolerate. I was left unaided, devastated and shattered to put back the pieces of your own mistakes; your own egocentricity. And now, now you want me to be a part of your life; you want me to understand you, appreciate you for all you have done. You want me to believe you when you tell me that all is for the best. You want me to love you.

Unfortunately for you, my love for people, my trust, has dwindled over time. Love is not what it used to be and trust never was. My heart has been broken and crushed in an unimaginable way and I shall never be the same person again, but do not fret, or agonize your egotistical diminutive black heart; for this is one mistake that is not your burden at all. I am sorry that I am your largest blunder but it is not like I could help it- believe me if I could turn back time I would have made sure none of this ever had a tendency to happen. I would have made sure lives were never lost, children were not left ravenous, racism never flourished, hearts were never broken, and equality thrived throughout the ages.

No need for self pitying for whether we like it or not we are obliged to live in this world, and reside with our fellow inhabitants, sharing this globe with each other- no matter how much we are required to struggle to survive. I truly wish that you would open up your insatiably voracious eyes to the world around you, and see how things have changed; accept them.  I wish you would stop your insanity and become a regular person. I wish you would stop telling me what to do, because frankly I don’t even know who you are- nor do I care. I wish that you will choose to change sometime because truthfully I wish you would stop being you.