The Reason ♥

I needed a technique to get my opinions out, my feelings, and I did not want to inscribe it onto a piece of paper, for papers get misplaced, discolored and frayed… Whoever you are interpreting this, at times I may touch on topics which may not appeal to you, they may be controversial, notorious and infamous.  You may disagree with me, but please keep in mind that this blog exists exclusively because I need a way of extracting the thoughts which seldom have the chance to stream out and get some fresh air. So here is my medium; my blog. A place where even you the reader can share your own thoughts in regards to what I write, you may even notify me of what you would like to read more of or less of and I shall take those suggestions into consideration.

Primarily I was quite apprehensive about molding my thoughts into words and allowing it so that everyone could access a part of me that is…. Quite concealed in nature. I do not usually permit people to come strolling through my life, as I am not an effortless book to read- I may be a peculiar one, but I am not a simple one at all. I can’t figure out what changed my mind, what destroyed that barricade that kept the fort standing, protecting everything that was precious and fragile inside, but ultimately it has fallen, just as every fort, every blockade, and every obstacle falls, and withers away into nothing but an elapsed recollection of what once was. I hope that other people do the same, overlook their fears and allow people into their lives. This being said I also have to say that I do not, by any means trust people effortlessly, it is so incessantly difficult for me to rely on people, to trust them, and that is due to a multitude of factors. One of them being that my heart was shattered by the one person that I trusted with my life, and another being that it has literally been drilled into my brain that I should not, by any means, trust people. But even though I have distinctively trained myself to be inert, static and lifeless to my own emotions, block them out in every way possible so that I would not be able to feel pain, I still need a way to remain sane. The main reason that I am able to retain my sanity, and judgment  is purely due to the fact that I do have incredible friends, and I owe everything to them; everything. I never understood the meaning of friendship until I was in misery and distress; - they all rushed to my side with nothing but wholehearted intentions for my well being. It was then that I knew that friendship is how we survive, companionship is how we move on, and solidarity is how we enjoy, and thrive in life.

So this is me telling you to break down those walls. Demolish them, and compel them to collapse and burn. Open up your heart to the people around you, the people who actually mean something, and even if you feel that you aren’t ready to share your deepest, darkest most intimate demons with them, find some other way to let those feelings out. For pent up emotions and desires can lead to dire conditions, you may be faced with a situation where you are trapped, where you feel as if you will detonate at any second; purge out your feelings to the wrong person and blame them for all of the dreadful things that have happened to you – which of course is flawed and wrong. Personally I try not to keep them pent up for too long as I have a propensity to do exactly that, - have an exceptionally short temper-  and I never appreciated the people that were on the other side of my incessant, livid, rage. But now I know better. I know to keep the individuals close to my heart closer than ever because they are the ones who matter, they are the people who are there for me when I need them the most, and you have that same privilege – do not lose, or forget it.

xoxo

Fireflies ☮

Life is seamless, dispersed yet a constant pain in the ass and we are simply pawns in the hands of the vast cosmos. We live our lives unaccompanied, yet together. We struggle through out heartbreaks, our battles, and our solitude. We go through the years wishing, hoping and dreaming, while some of our dreams come true and others crash and turn to flames. Sometimes we wish the isolation would disappear, allow us some tranquility, some peace of mind; allow us the privilege of being free; feeling free. We attempt to ease the pain through love, a love we yearn for and beg for. Through our deepest, most intimate desires we scream for someone out there to hear us. Listen to our pleas and understand us; love us. At times, our desperate cries for attention are heard, we find the perfect person; the perfect love. We live a long peaceful life, filled with prosperity and splendor. We live with our children and grandchildren oblivious to the rest of the world around us, only conscious of our own contentment; our own untainted bliss. Other times however, we are made to struggle, to battle with our demons, whether internal or external. At times we live in scarcity and poverty, stricken with hunger, so accustomed to the stench of death and decay, and from the day we are born, we are obligated to grow up and mature, grow up and be responsible for our lives and the lives of our siblings if we were born with any. We may lay our heads on filthy, soiled rags at night and gaze up to the sky; to the stars and inquire the heavens, “what have I done to deserve such injustice?” we may even go so far as to think that perhaps, in another incarnation we were a malevolent executioner, an abuser of souls or a rapist bent on taking the lives of the innocent. Perhaps we do deserve it, but why can’t we remember what it was that we have done? Why is it that we have to pay for other people's mistakes, faults and transgressions?

No matter how we choose to live, or are forced to live, ultimately we do end up living. We may not enjoy this wretched life of misery, and melancholy, but we arise in the morning, breathing and screaming – on the inside of course. We wake up thinking perhaps today will be better, perhaps today a spark will cause a chain reaction, which in turn will cause another, greater chain reaction all directly allied with the universe; a universe which will possibly take pity on us; pity on our souls, souls with whom we are born with and fall to our deathbeds with. Perhaps this immense universe will allow us one, singular day of uncontaminated ecstasy and liberation, reprieve from the wonders and terrors of our mother Earth.

Earth.

The home in which we are all born. We all live, breathe, smell, touch, see, hear and taste her. Our mother Earth with whom we are all joined in solidarity, a camaraderie that thrives when or if the time comes for us to preserve her; defend her. However, this being said she is in momentous danger for even though she is what we call home, even though we find our loved ones from within her, we are dragged through our lives kicking and screaming, then die within her and are placed back into the ground which comes from her, the soil that will smolder our decaying bodies, away from the outside world forever. Even though she protects us from the dangers of the Ozone, the perils of emissions that could vacuum the life out of us forever, we continue to wound her. We continue to cause so much pain and anguish that she is begging us to stop, all the signs are there, and by hurting her we are ultimately hurting ourselves as we are hurting the home from which we come from. And although at times Mother Nature can be cruel, unforgiving and ferocious, we cannot give up on her, we cannot surrender her. For if she ceases to exist, if our world, our Earth dies, where are we to exist? Where are we to thrive? To find our loves, or heartbreaks or fight our battles or struggle for the privilege in which we were granted that is called life. No other planet will grant us this unconditional endowment, so why destroy the one that does? Just as we continue to annihilate our own lives, inert and merciless in our rampage.

Perhaps one day our pleas will be heard, perhaps the universe will take pity on us and grant us the wishes that we keep demanding. However, if this miracle ever happens, where would you make use of this phenomenon? What will you do if you do not have a home to go to? What if your home has been destroyed by you, none other than your own kind, your own egocentricity and there is nothing left; nothing but the guilt of not taking a stand, sparking a change while you still could. While there is still some time left to salvage our homes; our hearts, our lives.

Will you choose to take a stand and fight for your home? - For your life? Or will you sanction for it to be torn into a million pieces, while you are left forlorn, destitute, and lifeless.

Where will you appease your solitude then?
xoxo